Seeing What You Want To See — Living in San Francisco in 2023
Where to start with this intense summer? I spent several months in a spin trying to decide whether to stay in San Francisco or not. When I moved to San Francisco I will admit I had a very suburban point of view. I believed that I should be able to walk anywhere I wanted in the city at any time of day. But as I tried to do so I was met with scenes that I did not expect or accept in an American city or any city for that matter. I saw things that no person should ever see. But there are also parts of San Francisco that are incredibly beautiful and there are places that have so much to offer. This has been largely overlooked as we are fixated on the sadness of the homeless and drug-addicted who decorate our city as much as our summer fog, lavender light, iconic sky scapers, graceful museums, peaceful parks, and masterful bridges.
There has been a political polarization of the right and the left as the solutions to these problems have been debated. These debates played out not just in San Francisco, but also across the country and globe with scathing criticism in regards to the governance and declining state of San Francisco with its out-of-control homeless problem and the failures of city government. Because San Francisco is cherished by many people around the world as a favorite city that is renowned for its natural beauty, culture, and diversity everyone has had an opinion. As the debates waged on over the past year the city disintegrated. It became clear that the virtue of tolerance was not a game plan.
This is also a city that once pioneered the ‘do-your-thing’ ethic of equality, a place where ideology has often clashed with practicality. That pair of cherished civic traits now complicating efforts to address its more visible, disconcerting social failures as Democrats argue over how the meaning of compassion in a neighborhood where violent crime is rising, drug abuse is visibly rampant and homelessness is the defining aspect of its streetscape. — Washinton Post
Everything in my life had changed. I moved out of my home of twenty-plus years and from a community I loved surrounded by friends, parks, flowers, and hiking trails into a war zone. I had been a mother and a wife in a beautiful town and then I moved to live alone in a disintegrating city.
When I decided I wanted to move back to San Francisco it was the San Francisco I had left when I married. I had been asked to teach two classes at the UC Berkeley campus on Spear Street, but when I arrived my classes were moved back to Berkeley. I was left feeling very unmoored and when my daughter went back to school in August I would also be living by myself for the first time since my twenties.
Being a resilient do-gooder I found many ways to keep myself busy. I taught business negotiating and leadership development classes back to back that first year. I poured myself into my classes and my students meeting with them in my off hours and walking them through any content they missed. I would also talk to them offline if they were having any problems they needed help with both in the class and in their personal work. I worked on Ocean SF developing new products and doing pop-ups across the Bay Area. I coached startup founders and young tech executives for free. I coached college seniors through job interviews. I joined two boards. I quit drinking and started working out doing the Whole30 diet. I wanted to shore up my health because I knew I was burning the candle at both ends. All of this was positive and worthwhile, but when I walked down the street here in San Francisco I was horrified.
I am extremely impacted by the pain of others and am the sort of person who bursts into tears if you tell me a particularly sad story. While married my husband banned me from watching sad movies because I would cry all the way through them. So, walking down the street and witnessing the suffering here had an adverse effect on me.
Living here you tend to see the same homeless people over and over with many others that cycle in and out. I began to be able to sort them into two categories. The mentally ill and the drug addicted, and a third category of those that are both mentally ill and addicted. What I did see that was surprising was how compassionate people were here and how much respect they give to those suffering. People bring food to the people who are sleeping on the streets. To see a person sleeping with a Starbucks coffee and salad sitting next to them untouched is almost the norm. It is a delicate ecosystem held together by compassion. It is clear from what I see that the city is trying, but nothing has worked.
“They keep adding program after program — and all of it makes it worse,” Alameri said of the city government. “It feels like quicksand: the more money and programs that come here, the more problems and people it sucks in.” — Washinton Post
In the Spring, the Doom Loop idea set in, and stores and hotels started closing left and right. It became clear that empathy and compassion could do nothing to save this city. Now there is a Doom Loop walking tour of the horrors of the Tenderloin that you can sign up for on Eventbrite.
When I decided to sign my lease for another year I did it with trepidation, but I believe in the city and my decision to be a part of the solution and not the problem. I believe the city will return to vibrancy, but it will not look or be the same.
According to Placer.ai’s numbers, Downtown San Francisco saw a 38.3% year-over-year increase in visits to office buildings. But San Francisco foot traffic is still down nearly 56% from July 2019 numbers, according to the study. — SF Standard
Even though I made the decision to stay I did lose quite a bit of sleep over it. I’m not going to lie about that, but my friends and family supported me because I want to be here and continue with the things I love doing like sailing, making clothes, and building my brand, plus creating great leaders in a city full of technology, innovation, beauty, art, and ideas.
Margret Thacher advised that once you make up your mind you are to change it slowly. Moving out of San Francisco would have been such a reversal from everything I came here to achieve and believed in when I made that decision.
The other day I was at Shack25 in the Ferry Building and it was packed on a Thursday afternoon. We even had trouble finding two chairs together to sit down. Contrast this with my recent visit to The San Francisco City Club where we sat alone in the elegant oak bar on a Friday with just us, the bar tender and a happy hour cheese platter.
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Although beautiful the City Club is from a different era. It was created for an elite class of people who worked in the offices of the Financial District. It had its place in that time, but no longer. It will have to be reinvented. A similar situation exists in most of the office space and retail outlets around the city.
Adjusting Expectations
We need to adjust our expectations about what a recovery looks like. Maybe we don’t need to return to the office work of 2019, but evolve into something that can shift into spaces that are more functional and desirable to meet the needs of the way people live and work today.
As I go through my days here in the city I now look for what is going well here, what is right and what is good. If you look at San Francisco through this lens you will find plenty to love about this beautiful city.
Even though staying here scared me, I felt I needed to trust myself enough to allow the things that I had hoped and dreamed of when I began to come to fruition. Once I made that decision I committed fully to it. That is why I an doubling down on San Francisco.
Personally, I have had to adjust my expectations of San Francisco as well and I am avoiding places that are deteriorating. I spend my time in the Marina, the Embarcadero, Chinatown, North Beach, Golden Gate Park, and Chrissy Fields. I took a stroll through the Museum of Modern Art the other day. I sit in my building and work in the graceful spaces they provide here. This has made all the difference.
Even though staying here scared me, I felt I needed to trust myself enough to allow the things that I had hoped and dreamed of when I began to come to fruition. Once I made that decision I committed fully to it. That is why I am doubling down on San Francisco.