Raising Daughters, College Graduation & Oregon State University
On Thursday I left the doom loop of dreary San Francisco and headed North in my Tesla. After almost a year on the waiting list my Tesla arrived in September 2022 and I am still not very familiar with driving it. I pay $380 per month to park my car there so I can literally drive to Trader Joes and buy groceries, so when I was summoned back to Corvallis Oregon for my daughter’s graduation I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to become more familiar with my car and it would be convenient in packing her up to bring her back to California for a while anyway… My older daughter decided to take the day off and drive up with me and canceled her Southwest flight.
With Teslas there is a thing called “charging insecurity,” and it is definitely a thing because I am often worried about it, so I was a little nervous, but it turned out amazingly well and I actually liked the pace of stopping 3 times on this 8-hour road trip. However, when I got to Corvallis I found that they do not have a rapid charger and my car had to spend the night at a hotel on the other side of town getting a slow charge. Other than that the trip has been wonderful.
One of the most magical things of motherhood for me has been watching my daughter retrace my steps at Oregon State University where I graduated in 1986. When we were looking at colleges for her she refused to even visit OSU. She would tell me that she couldn’t go to OSU for me and it was not on the list. On our way to the University of Oregon which she agreed to visit, she humored me with a quick stop but refused to get out of the car. This attitude is fairly typical of a 17-year-old high school junior so I acquiesced and we took the exit West off the I-5. When we entered campus she started to cry and told me she wanted to go there. I was shocked but didn’t argue. We parked on Monroe and walked into McMenamins and ordered burgers and french fries. I was speechless. She knew no one and chose her roommate off of FaceBook. We flew up and dropped her off as a family in September of 2019. To say she has flourished here is an understatement. An added bonus is that she joined my sorority Alpha Phi which was even more miraculous.
Because my husband died in 2016 I have been here for both parent’s weekends every year and for drop off and pick up, so I’ve spent a good chunk of my time walking these familiar streets with her and it never fails to charm me and pull at my heartstrings. I cannot walk into the Memorial Union (MU) and not remember all of the times I fell asleep in the upstairs lounge or all of the Stundent Foundation Board of Directors meetings I attended or even the day that I broke up with my boyfriend and sat crying at the tables overlooking the green lawns and flowers that still grace the beautiful MU quad. I also remember the day I graduated and how sad I was that my own father wasn’t there to see that happen for me and like me, my daughter's father was not either. Funny how history repeats.
It’s been a long road raising my daughters by myself and a treacherous one. I had days when I didn’t know how I would pay for it all and days when I prayed for strength that I could instill in them the sense of confidence and grit that is necessary to be a successful woman in today’s society. My friends would warn me about “Daddy Issues” but we had no idea how to ensure this did not affect my daughters, but I did have a secret weapon because I had gone through this myself and knew what to expect. My own mother liked to tell people that “we raised each other,” so she was absolutely no help in getting me into or through college or the beginnings of life, and in almost all ways I am self-made. Even my girlhood friends dropped out of high school and I had to go to Oregon State by myself just like my daughter. Luckily, I was a complete and utter bookworm so I never felt alone. I joined the Alpha Phi sorority my Freshman year and I took the sister of the bond philosophy to heart and have maintained loving friendships with my sorority sisters that have spanned a lifetime. My best friends in college turned out to be incredible women. My big sister was ground floor at Dell Computer and was cited as one of the wealthiest women in California, another made her first million in broadband networks before 30. Many others became doctors and engineers. When I think about how to raise great women I think of them. These are also the women who frequented my daughter’s childhood since birth. I have drawn on the many things they taught me when I was young. My favorite is never disparaged a sister which taught me how to be truly loyal and uplifting to other women. This has served me well in business, motherhood, and in every female relationship I have ever had. I took all of the lessons and values that I learned and have applied them throughout my life.
Watching my daughter walk up to accept her own diploma gave me an amazing feeling of pride in my sisters that I can’t describe and that I am truly grateful for.
As my daughters and I walked down the street holding hands surrounded by flowers under the dappled shade of the giant oak trees that line the streets here my daughter asked me, “Do you think my children will want to go here?”
“I certainly hope so,” I said. And she agreed.