How San Francisco Has Changed Me

Living in the Empty Nest

The other day, I took a walk to Shack15 to meet the guy who started Shazam, the music identifier. He said they wanted to be like Facebook and have a conversation about music where people would post their favorite songs, and everyone would comment. After a Venture Capital investment of a few million, they found no one had time for that, and for six years, Shazam was on the brink of bankruptcy. In the end, they linked Shazam to Spotify, making it so valuable that Apple acquired it for $400 million. San Francisco has made me believe in the dreamers.

The founder, Chris Barton, a regular at Shack, stood in the middle of the room surrounded by people. I walked over to say hello and then headed out to the main lounge. I sat down in a big leather chair and spun around. I faced the bay and looked out at the black water.

When I started sailing ten years ago, we often sailed to San Francisco from Berkeley. We would dock, walk through North Beach, and have dinner. Sailing at night is an adventure. There is nothing like being on a boat at night with the dark water below you, approaching the city lights. These were beautiful nights in the cold and fog that also held the exhilarating danger of the unknown.

I took up sailing when my kids were teenagers, and I had to be around—close to home but not too close. My sailing instructor would frequently invite me on these trips, and I went as often as I could. I remember looking up at the Ferry Buildings' illuminated windows from the dark water below. I was outside looking in then, and now I am inside Shack15, spinning in a leather chair and looking out—a decided change of perspective.

So much has happened since then, and as I sat there, I thought about how living in San Francisco has changed me, but the changes happen so slowly they are hardly noticeable. My daughters are on their own now, and I live alone. I don’t even have a pet. For the first time in my life I am accountable to no one.

Recently, I have spent time getting to know myself again. My first months of genuinely being an empty nester began in August when my youngest daughter moved out. At that time, I didn’t even know what to buy at the grocery store. I would stand in Whole Foods motionless, with the unfamiliar confusion of having only myself to consider. Eventually, I bought my favorite foods, drinks, and snacks. I did this in all aspects of my life, from what temperature to keep in my apartment to what music I listen to. It was liberating not to have to consider the likes and dislikes of anyone else. San Francisco has turned me into the biggest fan of soup dumplings.

Now, I am considering what to do with my time because, for many years, I spent most of my life supporting and caring for other people. Recently, I have become more political, having joined Together SF as a Community Leader. Together SF won all of its key initiatives in March and is working to spread the word for November. Their goal is to make the city better for everyone, and I want to devote as much time as possible to working toward that goal. San Francisco has made me want to get involved and change things.

Other than my political involvement, I have been slow to jump into things over the past six months because I wanted to spend time with myself to ensure I was doing what mattered to me and not simply filling up my day so I would feel needed again. Having free time and sitting with myself was highly unusual for me. It made me nervous as focusing on myself was not something I had the luxury to do for many years. Spending hours doing yoga, reading, and spinning through museums made me feel indulgent, but I am growing more comfortable with it.

Slowly, I am building my Leadership Development coaching practice and taking on new clients, which I truly love doing. I also have my passion project, Ocean SF, to work on, but the most important work I can do now is on myself.

Love and blessings to all.